Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
