i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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