my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
