Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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