the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do you remember whose house we're in?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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