They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
