i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
