you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
