God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
