i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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