so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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