Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
