I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
