Plan B is the new Plan A
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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