I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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