oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
