IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
