y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My nipple is on Facebook.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
