Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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