i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
