So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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