SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
