You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
