i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize