Someone shit on the floor
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
