Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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