i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
