Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
