I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i love accidental penises.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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