You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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