i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
