Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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