i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
