I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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