It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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