he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
