You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize