Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
