i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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