Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
