I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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