She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
