i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
