found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
