Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
