drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
