I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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