She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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