Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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