I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
