she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have aggressive nipples.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
