I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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