What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
