I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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