awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
