U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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