i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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