did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
