Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
