The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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