Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
