I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
