Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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