I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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