I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i think i just lost a toe
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
