You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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