someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
