Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
