Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
