I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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