i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
