So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I smell stomach acid.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
