The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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