so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
