I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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