2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
