Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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