She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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