i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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