Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
