Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
honey bunches of taint.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
