Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
