Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
