I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize