hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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