I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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