i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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