I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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