I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
