If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Send help, water and tortillas.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
