i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
