Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
