I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
