Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
