Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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