I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
