she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
