We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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