Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
