Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
