So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize