Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
