i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
