I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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