You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
