I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
