I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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