hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
