I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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