You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
