Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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