I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
