Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
