Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
