i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
