I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
