She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
