first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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