god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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